


The Most Imperfect Melody

by Yuuki_Nyanmaru



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27609269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuuki_Nyanmaru/pseuds/Yuuki_Nyanmaru
Summary: When Sho accepted the job of painting Ashikaga's high school, he didn't realize that it would mean confronting his old bitter love. He didn't want to see the reason for all his problems, especially after all the pain he went through. But how to avoid someone who was always trying to approach you? Not because of love, just for the mere purpose of seducing. Aiba Masaki had never truly loved him after all... Or was it?
Relationships: Aiba Masaki/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	The Most Imperfect Melody

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in my journal on the 19th March 2019. I had always wanted to write a Natsu Hayate!AU and this was the result. The banner was created by my dear buddy (thank you!!!). Hope you will like it!

“Good morning Sakurai, as always you’re early,” the security guard said, watching him arrive.

“This school won’t paint by itself after all. You’re always early too, Matsumoto,” he replied and went through the school’s gate.

“This gate won’t open by itself after all,” the other man teased in response.

Walking through the entrance and the schoolyard, Sakurai reached the lumber-room in the backside of the building. He proceeded to take out from his bag all his tools and then, opening a box nearby, he picked out the paint bucket. There was still some of it left from yesterday after all and today he didn’t have to paint a large part, so that one would do.

As he was exiting the room, he almost bumped into someone but luckily managed to move away in time. When he was going to apologize, he noticed that it was the janitor.

“Sorry, Ohno!”

“Don’t worry, it was my fault. I opened the door and was going inside immediately,” the janitor bowed apologizing.

“It’s fine, but why such a rush?” Sakurai asked, stepping aside so that the shorter man could come into the room.

“No reason,” Ohno replied placing his stuff on the bench at the end of the room.

Sho looked at him closely and studied him. If Ohno Satoshi was acting weirdly, the reason could be only one: Matsumoto Jun.

“Did Matsumoto tell you something?”

As soon as he asked that question, the other man’s shoulders stiffened before bending a bit forward as they used to do.

“What happened this time?”

“When I had arrived I was determined to ask him out, but just when I was about to, Ninomiya came over and apparently he was faster than me…” the older man explained with a sad tone.

Sakurai furrowed his eyebrows and Ohno replied to the unspoken question.

“He told him ‘ _Then, let’s meet at the cinema at 7_ ’...”

“I’m sorry to hear that Ohno…” he said and gave him a pat on his shoulder.

“He might have won the battle, but he is not going to win the war,” Ohno said resolutely and, taking the school’s set of keys from the wall, he told Sho, “Let’s open the  
classrooms!” before exiting the storage room.

Sakurai laughed at that attitude, but eventually followed up and exclaimed, “Let’s paint this school!”

He settled his work-attire and then went out with a smile and a positive spirit. Somehow, Ohno managed to boost his energy, which was already high as usual in his working days.

He crossed the yard just in front of the entrance, since the portion of wall he had to paint was at the front of the school. He looked at all the students who were crossing the gate, greeted by a beaming Matsumoto. Some students were lively, some were still in dreamland.

Just when he was about to look away, his eyes met the ones of a man.

_Aiba Masaki._

He was looking at him with an intense gaze, almost as if he wanted to lure Sho in. No, he truly wanted to attract him, as if he were a magnet. Thanks to his looks, he had always been able to pass for the simple, naive person when, behind that cute smile, there was much more than that.

When he had been commissioned the painting of the school’s damaged external walls, Sakurai didn’t think too much about it; he accepted the work without second thoughts. Only on the first day he realized that, that school was the one in which Aiba used to work. When he met again those eyes, which were as surprised as his, what he had managed to push away in the past was now coming up again. All the memories and feelings were trying to escape the box he had carefully sealed before.

He averted his eyes and looked ahead of him. He had managed to put an end of that messed up relationship, he was not going to let those eyes win him over once again.

  
  
The hot sun of the afternoon was burning right above him. All the energy he had regained during lunchtime were now running out fast.

“Better to take a break, I don’t want to collapse here.”

Wiping the sweat from his forehead with a towel, he stood up, picked up all his stuff and started to move toward the building, for sheltering under the shadow which the fire escapes were creating. He stopped midway, though, when he saw who was waiting for him.

Aiba Masaki was standing with his usual smirk holding a bottle full of cold water. He raised his left hand and made a sign to Sho, inviting him to walk up to him.

Sakurai glared at him, he would totally prefer to die under the burning sun, but his common sense reminded him that he was still too young to die; as if 37 years could be defined as ‘too young’ though.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he started to walk again and reached the shadow.

“Good work,” the taller man told him and offered him the bottle of water he was carrying.

Sakurai glanced at him, cautious, before accepting the bottle. As he drank the water, his whole body felt a lot better, especially his throat.

“Weird for you to be at such a distance from me,” Aiba said suddenly.

Sakurai looked at where the other man was standing and, indeed, there was a considerable distance between them.

“My body automatically did it,” he explained simply.

“Just how much you repulse me,” Masaki chuckled.

“Isn’t it normal?” he asked rhetorically.

Aiba bit his lips and didn’t reply to the question. Sakurai observed him with the corner of his eye, checking on him.

_He seems hurt by what I said... You’re such a good actor, Masaki._

Aiba Masaki was indeed a really good actor. From the very first moment he met him, Masaki had always managed to put up a perfect farce. Unfortunately, Sho didn’t notice it at first, he was too blinded by that smile.  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_“You’re doing a great job!” Aiba exclaimed as he entered the room._

_“I have just started yesterday and I’m just whitewashing, it’s no big deal. Plus, I’m still a beginner at this job,” he replied laughing._

_“Well, even in this job there’s the need of some skill, right?”_

_“I think that there’s more need in yours; you must be very talented,” he retorted._

_Sakurai got up from the floor and took some steps back to look at the wall, and check if there were some spots to adjust, before moving to the next section._

_“I think that you’re more talented actually.”_

_Immediately, Sho got goosebumps, since Aiba had just whispered to his ear. He turned around and was dazzled by the smile sparkling right in front of him. He chuckled blushing and looked down._

_It was just the second day in that house and its owner was already driving him crazy, trying to hit on him at every chance he had. And Sho was letting him do that, and possibly, he was even helping. This would justify what he was ready to say._

_“I admit that I have many talents, I could show you one of these days.”_

_He flashed a playful smirk, expecting it to be returned by another one, but instead, Aiba smiled flustered before looking away, as if embarrassed. This gap really hit Sho. How could someone be so straightforward but then become red as fire when the other one flirted back? Was the seducer’s part just an act? Or was the shy one the act? Which side was the true one?_

_“I’ll go have a glass of juice in the kitchen; if you want, c-come.”_

_As he saw a shy man exiting the room, he convinced himself that this was the very Aiba Masaki._

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  


If only Sho had realized before, he wouldn’t have fallen into his trap. A charmer, lustful, nearly-possessive person was hiding behind that shining smile. For those 3 years they had been together, he had suffered more than enjoyed in their relationship.

He had lied to himself for the first 2 years. He was saying to himself that all those fights were probably his fault, that Aiba was right because he was overreacting over tiny things, that what they had was true love. It was on the third year that he faced himself in the mirror and sincerely asked, “ _How could be true love if you feel so oppressed?_ ”

It was a toxic love.

“You still have my number blocked,” he heard the other man remark.

“Either this or I change my phone number.”

“Guess you’re never going to forgive me, right?” the taller man chuckled, far away to sound cheerful though.

“Forgive you?” he asked back, narrowing his eyebrows.

“I put myself and my interests’ ahead of yours, I wasn’t treating you as you deserved. I was giving you the fault for all our quarrels because I was too self-centered to think properly and realize that it was me the problem. I thought that every fight could be eventually resolved with sex, since the moment when we were the most united was when we were actually linked; also, because... Well, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is... I’m deeply sorry.”

“Wow, you actually matured,” he said ironically.

“I’m sorry for having made you suffer... The fault is all mine,” Aiba turned to him, his face deadly serious.

“It’s mine too. I should have told you straight away, instead, I swallowed up all my worries and thoughts. I know that is crazy coming from me, but when things were going well, you were listening to me. I could have talked to you then and we could have tried to fix things, but I didn’t, and time passed, and we grew apart more and more. During the last year, we weren’t even a proper couple anymore, do you reckon?”

“We weren’t even eating together anymore, even though we lived together…” added Aiba, looking down. "Sho, if you let me, I would like to talk to you-”

“I have to get back to work,” he replied coldly, taking all his stuff to return to the wall which was almost finished.

He was starting to walk away when his arm was grabbed forcefully. He turned around and saw a gaze he hadn’t seen for years. He remembered it, it was the one Masaki had when they argued. He had never told him, but that gaze had always made him uncomfortable.

In a minute, fear and anxiety filled him; since Aiba was tightening his grip around his wrist, he even started to tremble.

As if waking up from a trance, Masaki blinked and released Sho in an instant.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to-” again, the taller man was caught off by Sho.

“Go to hell.”

Sho started to walk away fast, wanting to be as far as possible from that man. Emotions, buried inside himself, rose up as soon as he saw Aiba’s eyes. All kind of flashbacks came to his mind and that almost destroyed him. But he couldn’t let himself be oppressed again by those feelings, he was strong enough now to fight them.

  
  
After having gathered up all his things, he exited the storage room. He had finished for today and was now walking towards the school’s gate. He didn’t know if it was because of what happened in the afternoon, but he was feeling as if someone was staring at him. Trying to ignore it, he kept on walking.

“Good work today, Sakurai,” the security guard told him.

“See you tomorrow, Matsumoto,” he greeted back.

Just when he was past him, he noticed that Matsumoto, for a brief second, had peeked behind Sho’s back. As he was out in the street, Sho turned towards the school building, wondering if his sensation was right after all. His eyes went towards the first-floor windows, but there was no one there; when his eyes reached the second floor, though, he saw that familiar figure staring at him.

Even though he was very distant, he was able to recognize that it was Aiba. Something was weird though, because when Sho looked back at him, the other man averted his gaze and then went away. His aura was... Gloomy.

He shook his head and resumed walking.

_Don’t let him play you…_

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

“You’re a bit late for lunch today. I had been waiting for you,” Sakurai said when he saw Ohno approaching him.

Since they met last week, they would eat together on the bench just out of the lumber-room, which they used as a locker room. Ohno didn’t have anyone whom he could define as friend in the school, so he gladly accepted to give Sho company the first time. Surprisingly, they found each other getting along pretty well and the other man had even opened up to him regarding his current love problem.

“I was talking with Jun,” the older man explained sitting down next to him.

“About what?” he said full of curiosity.

“Well, I have good news.”

Sho urged him to explain further with his eyes, since he had just started to eat and his mouth was full of rice.

“I _casually_ told him that I knew about his and Ninomiya’s date and that I hoped that it went well. He started to laugh and after he didn’t reply. Instead, he asked me what I was going to tell him yesterday, before Ninomiya interrupted me. I said to just forget it, after all, he was kind of off-limits now, and here comes the good news!”

“Go straight to the point!” Sakurai said and nudged his friend.

“He told me that they are not going out and that he is still ‘on the market’.”

“Please tell me that you asked him out,” he said with a serious tone.

When Ohno smiled and nodded triumphantly, Sakurai literally jumped on his seat and exulted.

“When is the date?”

“This Sunday night,” Ohno replied with a dreamy tone, already anticipating that day.

“Make sure you nail it,” he looked straight into his friend’s eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I will,” Ohno replied.

After months of pining over his colleague, finally, Ohno could have his chance to prove himself. Probably he was cheering on him too much, but he had become his friend after all, and, also, Ohno’s rival was Ninomiya. He was Aiba’s best friend, so already just for that, he wasn’t looked kindly upon by Sakurai.

“...Aiba?”

Sho choked on his food at the hearing of that name and stared at Ohno questioningly. The other man just signalled him with his head to look in front of him. As soon as he did, he saw Aiba coming towards them.

“Why is he coming here?” the shorter man asked, unaware of Aiba’s and Sakurai’s relationship.

Sho was pondering on the possibility of running away, but once he noticed that Aiba was carrying something, he got interested.

_Is he carrying a... Lunchbox?_

At that moment, every cell of Sho’s body prayed to God that Aiba wasn’t going to ask to eat with them. He was ready to even kneel on the ground and bow.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch,” Aiba greeted when he was in front of them.

“It’s fine. Is there anything we can do for you?” Ohno questioned him, his tone gently. He didn’t know him after all, Sho couldn’t blame him.

“Yes, it is kind of embarrassing though, since you’re already eating your lunch.”

Considering that Masaki was staring at him, they both understood that he was talking with Sho. Also, Ohno hadn’t started eating yet so there was no doubt of it.

From what he said, Sakurai could already guess what Aiba had planned, and he had the proof when the man spoke again.

“I cooked too much last night, so I thought to give you some of it. You’re always eating pre-cooked convenience store’s lunchboxes after all.”

“Thanks for the thought,” he answered briefly, his stare not showing any kind of emotion.

“T-then, I’ll leave it here. You can even eat it tonight, just reheat it,” Masaki said before putting the box next to him, on the bench.

He smiled and after having told them, “ _Enjoy your lunch,_ ” he walked away. Just as the day before, he had the same gloomy aura.

“Wait... Is it what I think it is?” Ohno said excitedly.

“No, it is _not_ ,” he replied straight away. Then, he took the lunchbox he had been given and passed it to Ohno saying, “Here, you can have it. You forgot to buy lunch today, right?”

Ohno looked at him puzzled, but eventually accepted the box and opened it. He laughed to himself and whispered, “More than leftovers, this seems something made purposely.”

Sakurai didn’t comment on that, he pretended to not have heard.

The following minutes were spent in silence, only their munching was filling the atmosphere. With the corner of his eye, Sho could see how Ohno was enjoying his lunch and he mentally chuckled. Aiba had always been a good cook, so he was sure that the lunchbox Ohno was eating was extremely delicious.

“Are you sure of not even wanting to try it?” Ohno asked him.

“Totally sure.”

Ohno nodded at this reply and ate the last bites of the meal.

“Look, I don’t know what happened, but I could taste the love in this,” his friend said pointing to the box.

At that comment, Sakurai burst out laughing, as if Ohno had just said the funniest thing of the whole time. The other man, meanwhile, stared at him perplexed, his eyes wide in confusion.

“W-why are you laughing?”

“You don’t know him,” Sho explained when he recovered from the laughter.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed, knowing that he should at least give an explanation to his friend. After all, Ohno had opened his heart to him, so now it was his turn.

“Around 5 years ago, my boss commissioned me the whitewashing of a room here in Ashikaga; the owner of the house was Aiba. He tried to flirt with me at first but then acted as a shy and sheepish person. I think that this was what made me fall for him, in fact, after two months, we were already going out. Be it our rashness of getting together, be it the fact that, even though we were already 30 years old, we were still immature, be it our ‘blindness’ caused by love... Eventually, our relationship became a total mess.”

He stopped, trying to find the right words for describing the feelings of that time. He hid them so much that he had even forgotten how to talk about them. The fact that Ohno was patiently waiting for him to continue, not urging him to go on, really helped him. 

“It all started with little arguments and then got bigger and bigger. The lows of our relationship were becoming so numerous that I was suffering even on our highs, scared of the next crisis. Adding to this, I started to really be affected when we were apart; I was getting overly jealous since Aiba frequently used to go out with his friends. Somehow, I stopped to trust him as I used to do and thought that he was cheating on me. So, my genius mind, had the worst idea ever.”

“You moved in with Aiba? Here in Ashikaga?” Ohno’s tone showed his worry.

“Exactly. I thought that things would be better, but instead, they just got worse. My restlessness was increasing and Aiba was giving the fault of all this to me, saying that I was overreacting. I wanted to tell him all my worries, but I didn’t, and when I noticed Aiba starting to be more reserved toward me, I did the same. But the more we didn’t talk, didn’t try to understand each other, the more we grew apart.”

“Wasn’t he trying to be closer to you?”

Sho let out a sad laugh, before saying, “He started to be a paradox actually. He was putting his interests before me, sometimes even forgetting about my presence in his life, but at the same time, he began to be possessive. He would ask me with whom I was going out, why, where, at what time I would come home; for not letting me go away he even..." he stopped, before shaking his head, "The point is that he had become impossible to understand.”

“Did he try to fix things at least?” his friend seemed eager to find a good thing out of Aiba’s behaviour, to find one tiny thing that would save him.

“Fix things you say?... He relied on sex. He thought that everything could be resolved because sex strengthens the bond between two people. Too bad that our relationship was a lost cause. We were hopeless. Everything was becoming obsessive, but I couldn’t bring myself to break up with him because I loved him, and he was saying the same thing to me. I lived for his ‘ _I love you_ ’...”

Sho looked down, his fingers nervously playing with each other. Somehow, this talk wasn’t affecting him the way he thought it would. He had always believed that, if he would tell someone about Aiba’s and his story, he would have felt overwhelmed. That was the reason why he kept all those memories inside a closed chest in his heart up until that moment.

Perhaps, Sho just needed the right person to talk to and Ohno was definitely that one. In fact, the other man didn’t make a speech over all their relationship, exposing his own opinion, because he knew that it wasn’t what Sakurai needed. Ohno only put his hand on his shoulder and smiled at him, just letting him know that he was there for him. Sho returned the smile, silently thanking him for his support.

  
Sakurai was painting the short pillar carefully, trying to ignore the pain which was forming on his bent back, when he heard some chatter. After that, the sound of brass instruments spread in the schoolyard. He stopped midway the brush, to look beyond the pillar, and saw a group of female students playing. His lips curved up in a warm smile.

Even though he was distant, he could feel perfectly the love for the music those students had. It was easy to sense it for him, since his heart was filled with that same love too. At that moment, that same warm smile from before mutated into a nostalgic one, and suddenly an eagerness began to fill his limbs.

“I wonder if that piano is still there…” he whispered to himself.

Aiba had brought him before to the music classroom, so he should remember where it was, more or less. The idea of going to check it out appeared instantly in Sakurai’s mind, so he decided that if he had time left, he would go to search for it.

  
  
He looked up at the clock of the lumber-room and gladly noticed how he did manage to have some spare time.

“What’s that content smile?” Ohno asked amused when he came in the room. He should have finished too with his duties.

“I finished work early and I’m thinking to go see the music classroom,” he explained.

“Well, if you want to know, by this time most of the students should have headed home. Also, it seems that the janitor still has to lock some classrooms so…”

Sakurai laughed at his friend and at the face he was making.

“I won’t be long, promise,” he assured the older man and, thanking him, he exited the room.

He didn’t care if it would be even just a slight contact, as long as he could touch again the piano’s keyboard, it would be enough for him. Too much time had passed since the last time he played, considering that it was back at Masaki’s. His ex-boyfriend had an upright piano at his house, bought with the savings of years and years, and Sho used to play it all the time. The passion for music was the thing that most connected both of them.

Before everything got ruined, they would spend hours and hours talking about music, and playing, creating new melodies and songs. Many times they played that piano together, side by side, and every time he would lift his gaze from the keys, he could see Aiba’s soft smile.  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_The sweet melody was embracing him, his fingers seemed to run on their own over the keyboards. Well, it could actually be since he knew by heart that melody. It was the first one he composed together with Masaki after all._

_For Sho, it was fate. After the accident and his hand fracture, he was told that he wouldn’t be able to be a professional pianist anymore, but he still could play the piano as an amateur. How though? His dream was destroyed, every time he would see a piano it would be just painful._

_He sacrificed everything for being a pianist, he focused all his being in it, even neglected his friends and his other passions, as journalism. There wasn’t anything he loved more than music, he believed that it was his destiny, and he decided to set everything aside for piano’s sake._

_He still remembered the emotion of his first concert. He was deadly nervous, his hands were trembling and were all sweaty; but inside of him, there was also excitement, eagerness to play, happiness. There wasn’t anything more he could ask for. All his dreams had finally come true._

_As a glass which falls on the floor, though, his dream broke into pieces on the day of his 29th birthday. The memories of that night weren’t clear, as if his mind were trying to erase it. The only things he could remember were the ice on the road, due to the extreme cold which had hit Tokyo; the car which suddenly came from the other direction at full speed; his steering abruptly for avoiding it; his car’s tires slipping; the collision._

_When he woke up in the hospital, the first thing he looked at was his hands. His eyes stared at the right hand, which wasn’t in its best condition, but it had only some bandages around it, so it wasn’t broken. He had taken a sigh of relief, but when his gaze moved toward his left hand... Internally, he screamed on the top of his lungs._

_He tried to deny his condition. When he recovered, he played the piano over and over again wanting to show that he could still play as before. The reality was too evident for denying it though, and it hurt so much that Sho put the piano, music, and all his dreams in a remote place of his mind and heart. He started to work as a whitewasher, trying to forget everything._

_But then he met Aiba and now here he was, finally reunited with his instrument. He was still amazed by how that music teacher had been able to make him play again._

_Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his left hand and the pleasing melody was interrupted abruptly. He placed his left hand on his thigh before, letting out a sigh, starting to play again. The ache, though, continued growing. He clenched on his teeth and tried to go on as much as possible but eventually had to stop. He hit the keyboards with his right hand, producing a loud sound which echoed in all the living room, and groaned in frustration._

_“Why?! Why?!” he cried out._

_He observed his left hand and when some tears fell on it, he realized that he was crying. It wasn’t for the physical pain though, it was for the inner one. There was only one thing in the whole world which made him feel free, without any constraint. When playing, he could see hundreds of different scenarios, from the most colourful to the palest. And it was taken away from him._

_He placed his right hand on the piano’s keys, eager to resume playing but too afraid to do so. When he looked closely, his hand was trembling. Sighing defeated, he closed his eyes, ready to retrieve his hand, when the same melody from before began._

_Opening his eyes and turning to his left, he saw Masaki next to him playing. After some notes though, he paused and stared at him._

_Sho looked at him in question, not understanding what he was doing. At that frown, Aiba replied with a smile and then told him, “I’ll be your left hand, so, play.”_

_Aiba held his left hand with his right one and squeezed it, before placing a kiss on his hair. Sho felt tears threatening to come out from his eyes, but he quickly dried them with his free hand before moving it to the piano. He started to play and soon Aiba followed him. It wasn’t the smoothest melody of all time, it surely had some imperfections, but to him, that was the best one._

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  


“Oh, I’m sorry!”

Waking up from his trance, he realized to have just bumped into someone while he was turning a corner.

“It’s me the one who’s sorry-” he immediately apologized, but then halted when he saw whom he had collided with.

“Sho... Weird to see you here, I mean, inside the school,” Aiba said as he was setting up his cardigan, which got wrinkled due to the impact.

“I was searching for the bathroom,” he lied.

“Or, were you searching for me?”

Aiba flashed him his usual smirk, but then eventually burst out in an amused laugh.

“You’d wish,” he replied, this time he the one wearing a smirk. Seeing that the taller man got serious at that statement, he decided to go on and affirmed, “I’d prefer to stay on the edge of the tallest skyscraper of Tokyo, than to stay even a single second with you.”

“It’s hilarious you know, the one who used to tell that I was mistreating him, now nearly spits at me,” the other man retorted back, approaching him and throwing him a defiant look.

“I could actually do that if it wasn’t for the fact that we’re in a school-” he closed his mouth abruptly when he heard some students’ voices.

Masaki shared his state of alarm judging by his stare. He took some steps backwards and looked behind him. Fortunately, the students were too far away and were going in the opposite direction. He didn’t have the time to turn around that he was dragged by his arm.

“Let me go! What’s the matter with you?!”

“We can’t talk freely here in the alley,” he explained and reached fast an empty classroom.

“As if I want to talk with you!” Sakurai exclaimed angrily.

He started to walk towards the classroom’s exit but Aiba closed the door violently and, taking him by his arms, he pushed him on the wall. Then, he strongly put his hands above Sakurai’s head, trapping him.

“Why are you are always rejecting me?! I’m trying to reach out to you but-”

“What?! Are you kidding me?! For the whole time, you have been going around with your odious smirk, trying to fool me and to make me fall. Seeing that the ‘seducer’ strategy wasn’t working, though, today you went for the ‘nice guy’ one. But you can’t hide after all, and just now you showed yourself for who you truly are,” Sho was speaking directly to the taller man’s face, throwing at him all his resentment.

“I try to flirt with you and I do wrong, I treat you kindly and I do wrong. What am I supposed to do to win you back then?!” Masaki asked vehemently.

“Win me back?! You lost me and there is no way that we-” while he was speaking and trying to shove the other man away, his wrists were grabbed and he was pushed even more on the wall.

“We can fix this! We can go back to how we were before-”

“Are you crazy?! It’s impossible!” he yelled back, trying to break free from Aiba’s strong grip.

“Then let’s start anew! We can try to-”

“Forget it! We won’t ever-”

He was interrupted by Masaki’s lips forcibly kissing him. He attempted to move away but the taller man was pressing himself against Sho, making it impossible to escape. He was trying to keep his lips shut but Aiba was stronger than him, and in the end, he was able to thrust his tongue in Sakurai’s mouth.

At the contact with that familiar feeling, his muscles jerked. That taste he knew so well was spreading into his mouth, making his mind and body remember _everything_. He had to escape from there as soon as he could.

With all the strength he had inside of him, Sho, at last, pushed Masaki away. He quickly opened the door of the classroom and started to run. He was put to a halt by Aiba who, swiftly, pulled him back and enclosed him between his arms.

“Idiot! Let me go! If someone sees us, you could be-”

“Please, Sho, if you could give me a chance-”

“I won’t! Let me go!” he cried out for the nth time.

Sho struggled, trying to free himself, but the arms around him just kept on tightening. He was ready to yell and call for help, when they heard someone shouting his name.

“Sho!”

They halted their movements all at once and looked at the direction where that voice came from.

“Ohno…” he whispered relieved.

“If you don’t let him go, I’ll call Matsumoto and you’ll deal with the consequences. I don’t think you would like to be fired, right?” Ohno said with a threatening tone.

Sakurai turned to Aiba, who was wearing probably the maddest face he had ever witnessed. The taller man glared at Ohno for some seconds before releasing him. He stepped away as quickly as his legs could, not wanting to be under Aiba Masaki’s gaze a second more.

Before following him, he noticed how Ohno's gaze was glaring back at Aiba the whole time.

“Let’s go, Ohno,” he said as he went past him.

As they were walking down the stairs, he heard Ohno asking him if he were alright. He was too shaken to talk, so, when they were back in the locker room, he hugged Ohno in one go.

“Thank you... Really…” he mumbled against his friend’s shoulder.

“It’s okay now…” Ohno replied and hugged him back.

The events of today were the reason why he didn’t want to be near Aiba Masaki anymore. He was unpredictable, he could go out of control at any moment and show his worst side.

As the fear and moments from the past started to run through his mind, he started to sob in Ohno’s arms.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 

When he arrived at school, he briefly greeted Matsumoto and immediately went to the storage room. He wanted to start working as soon as he could, so that no one, especially a certain someone, could interact with him. Also, the earlier he would start to work, the earlier he would finish and return home. 

Unfortunately, luck wasn’t by his side that day because, on the bench right outside the room, there was Aiba. He was sitting with a nervous look which became even more anxious when he spotted him. Aiba got up and waited for him.

Sakurai gulped and, taking a deep breath, he resumed on walking.

“What do you want?” he asked, not hiding his irritation.

“I want to say sorry for what happened yesterday. I went out of control and went too far. I’m truly sorry,” Aiba said.

He didn’t trust him but, looking at his face, Masaki really seemed to regret what he did the day before. To be sure, he focused on his eyes and, indeed, there wasn’t any trace of lies. To his surprise, Aiba even bowed before him and stayed in that position for quite a while.

Sakurai sighed, not knowing what to do. If he wouldn’t at least accept his apologies though, the other man would probably insist on it and not leave him alone.

“Got it, but don’t ever try to touch me again.”

Masaki raised himself and nodded, not opposing what he had just said. Was he this remorseful? Could it be that, for once, he had actually recognized his mistake and accepted its consequence?

“I-I…” the taller man started just as he was about to enter the room.

Sho just looked at him in question, silently urging him to talk.

“I hope t-that you didn’t but... If you threw away the lunch I made you yesterday, I-I wouldn’t blame you,” he stuttered a bit.

“Don’t worry, I had already given it to Ohno during lunch.”

“O-Ohno?” Aiba seemed incredulous.

“Yes, the janitor. You do know him, right?”

Aiba nodded in reply and averted his gaze. He bit his lips, as if pondering on whether to say or not to say something. At last, he looked back at Sho, probably after having decided to tell anyway what was on his mind.

“Do you know that he is after Matsumoto, the security guard?”

Sakurai stared at him perplexed, before reasoning that Ninomiya must have told him. After all, his friend and Ninomiya were in competition for Matsumoto’s heart, so how Ohno was relying on him, so the other man was doing the same with Aiba. 

He couldn't understand only one thing: why Aiba asked him that? Was he trying to start a conversation using that topic?

“Yes, I do,” he replied at last.

“And you are okay with it?”

Now, Sho really started to be at a loss. Why should he have a problem with Ohno’s feelings?

“Yes, why-” he stopped when a thought crossed his mind. His eyes widened at the sudden realization and he blurted out, “Are you jealous because you think that I have feelings for Ohno?”

“Do you?!” Aiba questioned immediately taking a step forward, his eyes showing impatience.

“If I do or not it’s something that doesn’t concern you,” he affirmed.

“You would be wasting time with someone who doesn’t return your feelings, plus, he is not the right person for you.”

“And who is the right person for me? You? Seriously?! And as I said, it doesn’t concern you!”

“It does!” the other man retorted and was going to grab Sho’s arm but stopped midway, before retrieving his arm.

“We have broken up ages ago, you have no right to say that, neither to be jealous!”

And as the day before and as years ago, they began to fight and yell at each other. Turning every dialogue into an argument was the normality for them. When they were dating, this was what used to happen every day and Sho was thoroughly tired.

“I don’t have the right to be jealous of the person I love?!”

“Love?! You don’t love me! You just can’t stand the idea that I could be with someone else,” he shouted back.

“Why can’t you understand?!”

Aiba’s hand moved toward him and he took some steps back, trying to avoid any possible contact. He even grasped the doorknob, ready to run into the room and lock the door, in case Aiba would lose control as the day before. But Masaki’s hand, for the second time, didn’t touch him.

“No, no, no. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” the other man started to chant. Then, he ran his hands on his face and after on his hair, rubbing them frantically and groaning as if in despair. Without saying anything else, Masaki threw him one last gaze and walked away.

Sho watched him going away under his own confused eyes. In that last gaze, he didn’t see the anger he was expecting but just... Sorrow. In that one second, Aiba’s eyes were the darkest they had ever been. He hated that his heart had actually clenched when his eyes met his.

“Sakurai, is everything okay?”

Blinking and focusing again, he saw Ohno in front of him, clearly worried.

“Y-Yes,” he mumbled.

“Are you sure? I saw Aiba coming from this direction and he wasn’t in a good state, did something happen?” he asked. He was trying to appear calm, but his tone was betraying his nervousness.

“We argued, as always, and then he…” he didn’t finish the sentence, for the mere reason that he didn’t know what had happened to Aiba. He couldn’t explain it, not even if he saw the replay of that scene.

“He... What?”

The fact that Ohno was doing so many questions meant that he seemed pretty shook. Not that he wasn’t, but Sho didn’t want to alarm him with his problems.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. He didn’t do anything.”

“Are you really-”

“Yes, Ohno, I’m sure,” he declared and smiled widely for reassuring him.

At last, Ohno calmed down and smiled back at him. After that, they entered the room and, as if nothing had happened, proceeded to dress in their work attire.

As he threw a quick glance at Ohno, he saw that his friend was frowning deep in thought. Probably, he was making up hypothesis on what could have happened between Aiba and Sakurai. He could try to explain him, even though he himself wouldn’t be able to, but he didn’t want. He couldn’t involve Ohno any more than this. He didn’t want his friend to bear his personal burden named Aiba Masaki.  
  
  
  


After that happening Aiba didn’t approach him in any way, not on that same day and neither on the day after. He was telling himself that it was better like this, that, finally, his main problem had disappeared. However, his mind would always replay the same scene: Aiba’s eyes looking at him filled with something he couldn’t describe. Well, he saw anguish, but he didn’t want this thought to get the best of him, so, eventually, he shook that out of his mind. He was Aiba Masaki after all. For what he knew, his ex-boyfriend could be faking all this just for making him fall into his trap. 

Those eyes, though, haunted him in his dreams. This caused him to have a restless sleep for the whole weekend, which was spent at his house, not wanting to see or talk to anyone.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

On Monday, Sakurai didn’t see Aiba at all. He wished that this fact wouldn’t affect him at all, but against his will his eyes would wander around him, alarming him every time they would spot someone.

And as he was walking toward Matsumoto, he was really wondering why he was this weak when it came to Masaki.

“Matsumoto, sorry for bothering you,” he told the man, after all, it was lunch break for everyone, not only for the students.

“There is no problem. Rather, tell me, is there something wrong?” the security guard put aside his lunch, stood up from his seat, and gave full attention to Sakurai.

“I wanted to ask you if you saw Aiba Masaki today, the music teacher,” he said, trying at his best to cover his embarrassment for asking such a thing.

The slightly taller man averted his gaze and focused on a point on the floor, while he was probably recalling all the people he had seen that day.

After a short time, he shook his head and told him, “Today I didn’t see him at all.”

“I see, thank you,” he replied and was going to leave, when someone gave a pat on his shoulder.

Turning around he saw Ohno standing behind him.

“What are you doing here?” he questioned surprised.

“I could ask the same thing to you,” the older man answered laughing before taking him by his elbow and stepping a bit backward. As he frowned, Ohno said, “I have to tell Jun that I enjoyed the date yesterday, could you wait for me at the bench?”

Sakurai grinned and nodded. He said goodbye to Matsumoto and thanked him once again, before going away. He turned just once for stealing a glance of the two and saw a warming scene: Ohno, clearly embarrassed but still smiling widely and Matsumoto beaming with what he hoped was happiness.  
  
  
  
Another day of working had finished and as he was walking toward the school gate, Sho’s mind was keeping on being filled by questions. All of them, though, could be summarized by one.

 _Is he fine?_ he thought while directing his gaze to the sky, coloured by orange due to the setting sun.

“If you’re wondering, no, he’s not fine, but he’s trying.”

When those words reached his ears, he turned and saw Ninomiya standing next to him.

Before he could reply or say anything at all, the other man went away, heading home too. Just at that moment, he realized that his steps had ceased.

Sighing, he resumed on walking. Ninomiya’s words fueled his thoughts, worries and doubts.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“I should be more careful when painting,” Sho remarked as he was washing his face.

Just before ending his work, he had brushed a hand on his face, since his cheek was itching, and the result was that his skin was stained with paint. He had to go the washroom because the stain was too big, and he didn’t want to return home in such a state.

When he had finished, he came out of the school’s bathroom and started to go towards the exit. Only some students were still in school, but they were starting to go home too. He smiled when he saw two guys lively goofing around while exiting a classroom.

“It’s kind of nostalgic…” he whispered to himself.

When he had almost reached the last alley before the exit, his feet stopped as soon as his ears caught a faraway melody. Even though it was very distant, thanks to the silence which filled the school, Sho could recognize perfectly that the musical instrument played was a piano.

“The last time I didn’t check the music classroom at last,” he recalled. He checked his phone and realizing that it wasn’t that late yet, he decided that he could go to peek at whoever was playing.

He let himself be led by the music. The more he was coming closer, the more he was interested in whom was playing so splendidly. That student must have been studying piano for quite a long time and must have loved it very much. As a former musician, who expressed all his emotions through music, Sho could feel the passion which was inside this person.

Something was weird, though, because that melody was very familiar to Sakurai. It wasn’t a simple " _I’ve heard it before,_ ” it was a clear “ _I’ve already played it before._ ”

Focusing to his best, he tried to remember what that melody could be. It didn’t belong to some famous composer, either to any soundtrack of some movie. But he _knew_ to have definitely played it.

And just when he was approaching the classroom, in his mind, all that set of notes found its author, or better, its authors. Looking inside the room, sitting in front of the piano, there was Aiba Masaki.

As his fingers were caressing the keys, at first glance Aiba’s face seemed focused on what he was doing. However, looking closely, it was easy to tell that the man wasn’t in his best condition. But what caught Sho’s attention was that his eyes were swollen and red, and that Aiba was biting his lower lip. That was exactly what Masaki used to do when trying to not burst with whatever emotion he was feeling at that moment.

Inevitably, all the worries and questions he had in the previous days came to his mind. What happened to Aiba? Why was he behaving in that way? Could it be that, as Aiba was toxic for him, he was for the other man as well? Could it be that even Aiba got destroyed by their relationship?

If it was like that, then he should desire too to stay as far as possible, instead of approaching him as many times as he could. Aiba should try in every way to not think about him and, surely, he wasn’t doing that. Rather, he was doing the opposite.

 _Why is he playing that?_ Sho thought. 

That melody was the one they composed right after their first anniversary. They spent a whole weekend to put it together, and even if at first they weren’t pretty satisfied with the outcome, eventually they found themselves loving it. That melody talked about them after all; in every single note there were their hearts and souls, it was unavoidable to not fall in love.

Everything began as a joke. Masaki’s “ _Let’s compose a song!_ ” seemed too lighthearted to him, but in the end, he accepted excitedly. Before he could realize, they were at the piano surrounded by music sheets, some on the floor, some on the instrument, trying to create what they called ‘the best melody of all time’. Thinking about it now, it was too ambitious of them, but still, what they created and those two days were treasured in his heart.

Abruptly, the piano produced a loud and harsh sound. Aiba had just hit the keys and grasped the piano’s music stand. His hands were clenching around it so much that his knuckles became white.

Sakurai didn’t know if to stay or go away. Somehow, he felt bad since he didn’t want to spy on him in what seemed to be a moment of weakness. Yes, he was his ex-boyfriend, but still, he didn’t want to pry into his personal issues. Eventually, he stepped away from the door and decided to leave Aiba alone.

As he was rubbing his head with his hands, trying to get off his mind what he had just seen, he stopped when his eyes met Ninomiya’s ones, standing at the other hand of the alley.

Despite having worked there for a week by now, he had never met the male nurse. That was the first time seeing him after Masaki and he broke up. He didn’t hate him, after all the other man didn’t do anything to him, but he had to admit that he had always been crazy jealous of him.

Ninomiya was Masaki’s best friend, meaning that they used to spend a lot of time together. When they started to grow apart, Sakurai would always feel that his boyfriend was putting him in second place while his friend was in the first one. Of course, he recognized that a best friend is someone who can be as close as a real relative, but still knowing that Aiba preferred to be with Ninomiya rather than him, hurt him a lot.

Moreover, Masaki didn’t open up to him as he used to do after their third year together. Probably, it was due to their recurring crisis, but Sho himself had tried to speak openly to him before giving up; Aiba, instead, didn’t even try and just stopped overnight. To Ninomiya, though, he had always told everything, without any problem.

Sho had wished that he had could confide in him at least that much; maybe that could have brought them together again, especially if what he had to tell was something related to their relationship. After all, the basis for building a relationship was communication, and that was exactly the first thing their bond lost.

Avoiding the other man’s gaze, he resumed on walking. When he was going past him, though, Ninomiya blocked him by his arm.

“He is in there, right?”

Sho didn’t have to think twice on whom he was referring to.

“Yes.”

He freed himself from the shorter man's grip to go away but he was stopped again.

“What is it?!” he exclaimed bothered.

“Did you talk to him or do anything in general?” Ninomiya’s eyes were bloody serious and so was his voice. This just made him even more upset.

“What do you mean?” asked Sho, trying to understand what the younger man was trying to do.

“He is not in the best mental state for handling another argument with you.”

“I see... As always I’m the stupid one.”

At that statement, Ninomiya looked at him puzzled.

“I was thinking that something was wrong and, in fact, it’s all an act. That’s why you’re here, right? The piano, the melody, now you with all this speech. What are you planning this time?” he shoved away the other man’s hand and stared at him with furious eyes.

“Why do you always treat him like that? Why can’t you trust him?” Ninomiya’s tone raised up a bit just as Sho’s one did. It was funny how Sakurai was managing to argue with anyone lately.

“Maybe because he faked to have had an accident just for not letting me move out of his house?!”

“He made a mistake, that can’t be denied, but he has changed.”

“And why would he do it?!”

“For becoming a better person for you!” Ninomiya yelled at last.

At those words, Sho froze. For... Him?

“Listen carefully, if you destroy him again after I got back all his pieces together, I’m literally going to punch you and bury you alive.”

And now, Sho was totally at a loss. What was the meaning of all this? For being a farce, the man’s eyes were too intense, way too much.

Before he could ask anything though, Ninomiya moved away from him and, giving Sakurai a last look, he started to walk away. Immediately, Sho blocked him taking him by his shoulder.

“What is the meaning of this?”

“You two broke up. He doesn’t concern you anymore, does he?” those words went straightly to his heart, understanding only at that moment how they hurt.

“I’m the victim here, I need to know what is happening,” he retorted.

The shorter man looked at him with his eyes wide open, as if in disbelief. Then, he whispered, “Are you serious?”

Not understanding what he meant, Sho stared at him in confusion.

Ninomiya glanced left and right before sighing and, taking Sakurai by his arm, he brought him to a nearby classroom.

“I’m not supposed to tell you, but if that means making you act less lika a shit, then I’ll do it,” he said while locking the door.

After that, he moved toward the window, put his hands inside the coat’s pocket, and again let out a sigh.

“You think that only you were affected by your break up, right?” the nurse asked and turned to Sakurai.

“Not the only one, but for sure the most one,” he replied sincerely, without hiding his real thoughts.

“Then, you may like to know that after your relationship ended, Aiba totally broke apart.”

“What... do you mean?” he mumbled confusedly.

“The reason why he faked that accident was despair; he didn’t want to lose you at all cost. This, though, made him blind and unable to see the huge error he was doing. When you left him, Aiba realized not only this, but all the mistakes he made throughout your whole relationship, and this immense weight crashed him. Literally. He didn’t want to eat, he would drink every night to the point of feeling sick, he had even lost interest in everything and everyone who surrounded him. It was as if, on the day you two broke up definitely, his soul died.”

Sakurai stood there thunderstruck. He had always believed that the reason behind Aiba’s behaviour was his possessiveness, he couldn’t have ever thought that it was despair. Was Sho that important to him? To the point of being desperate to have him by his side?

It couldn’t be, Aiba couldn’t have been destroyed as much as him. It couldn’t be…

“Since this was influencing his work and his health, I decided to take matters in my own hands. First, I made him move in with me, so that he could stay away from your house and all the memories which caused him pain. Also, I could always keep an eye on him, since I was afraid to leave him alone. Second, I persuaded him to go seeing a therapist. He needed to talk with someone who could actually help him, because I wasn’t enough. Third, I didn’t let him quit his job. I was aware that it must have been hard to come to school every day and act as nothing was wrong, but I knew that if he stayed away from it, he would have just gotten worse. Aiba loves his job, he loves music and he loves to teach it; he couldn’t remove from his life the only other thing he loved.”

By now, Sho had already sat down on a chair, his legs not supporting him anymore. He couldn’t even comment on what Ninomiya was saying because it was overwhelming. Behind Masaki’s smile there was much more than he could ever imagine.

“Believe me if I say that, in these two years, I have witnessed Aiba Masaki at his worst. But you know what made him try to work on himself? Try to become a better person who could deal with his emotions and not lose control?”

Ninomiya paused some seconds before continuing.

“You. It has always been about you. The thought that one day you could return to him, that you two could be together again, was what made him endure everything. All the therapy sessions, my continuous-watching-over-him, the desire of calling you or texting you, the tears he had to hold back at school. Everything was done for the sake of having you back. There hasn’t been a day in which he hadn’t think about you, there hasn’t been a day in which he hadn’t loved you.”

Sakurai opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but no words were coming out of his mouth. It was if he were paralyzed.

“Just recently he was getting better, but you had to appear and make him a mess again. You had gone around saying that he had always approached you with ‘his usual smirk’, but what about the very first time?” 

When Ninomiya said that, his eyes widened in shock. Indeed, the first time Aiba had talked to him, he was very shy and just now, he was realizing that he looked scared; he didn’t even meet his eyes once. He took that as an act, and totally removed it from his mind when the other man started to behave as he used to do.

“When he saw you, he panicked. He thought that he wasn’t ready to talk to you again, he didn’t want to risk hurting you, so he tried to keep his distance from you. He failed, though; the person he had yearned for was right before his eyes, so I don't blame him. But you didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself and pushed him away. He lost the confidence he had before and started to do what he had always been good at: faking. _That_ was a farce. Somehow, the only way for talking to you became acting as a seducer, since he wasn’t exposing himself to not lose control. Or at least, so he thought.”

“Stop!” Sakurai cried out, slapping his hands on the desk and standing up. He raised his head and stared right at the other man, before saying, “So the fault is only mine?! You’re trying to tell me this?!”

“Of course not, Aiba had made some big mistakes too, but he is not the only one,” Ninomiya replied, his firm tone contrasting Sakurai’s tensed one.

“I know that! I don’t think that-”

“Oh, please, spare me that crap,” he cut him off rolling his eyes, then added, “Ohno talked to me, saying how should I tell my friend to get off you and such. More or less, I got what you told him about Aiba and let me say that, in all honesty, you put way more blame over Aiba than he has.”

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“For example, why did he stop opening up to you? Maybe because even if he did, you weren’t paying attention?”

“I’ve always been listening!”

“Oh, really? Like that time when he had told you that he was going to pass by his parents’ house, and then when he returned, you were treating him coldly because he was ‘ _always out having fun_ ’?”

Suddenly, a flashback crossed his mind.  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_“Why am I acting like this, you say? Are you even asking? You’re always out having fun!”_

_“Sho, I told you, I was at-”_

_“Not once you think about me. I’m always here alone and you don’t even think about me.”_

_“Sho, I wasn’t-”_

_“Your food is on the table. Even though I left it in the box, the pizza must be cold by now. Just reheat it in the microwave.”_

_Without saying anything else, Sho walked away from the front door, leaving Aiba behind._

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  


“It can’t be…” he whispered to himself, not believing what he had just remembered.

“Another example, the ‘sex doesn’t resolve things’. We all agree on that, even Aiba. But didn’t you say once, as a joke of course, that you preferred when he was _embracing_ you more than when he was talking? Well, apparently, Aiba took it to heart and carried it out; you weren’t believing him or even listening to him anyway, since you thought that he was just lying.”

The desk on which Sho was leaning, was, by now, covered by several tears. His sight was all blurry, he couldn’t even see properly. His hands were gripping tightly the edge of the desk, just as before Masaki’s hands were doing with the piano.

“No, no, no, no…” he chanted shaking his head.

“You bear the same quantity of faults. The difference is only one. Aiba had realized all his mistakes, while you are still blind and don’t see every single one of them,” Ninomiya said.

Sakurai heard some footsteps, meaning that the shorter man was coming up to him.

“Aiba made me promise to not tell anyone. I hope that breaking the promise I made to my best friend was worth it. Don’t make me regret it.”

Sho raised his gaze and looked at Ninomiya. His eyes were serious, but most of all, earnest. They weren’t showing anger either, on the contrary, it seemed that they were trying to give him strength.

Sho couldn’t help but think that Aiba was really lucky to have such a friend. Maybe... This was the reason why he had been jealous of Ninomiya all along. Not because Aiba was spending more time with him, but because he had someone so trustworthy by his side.

As his sobs and tears were increasing, Ninomiya went toward the door, unlocked it and then exited the classroom.

Everything was just too much for Sho to handle. If Ninomiya said the truth, what he had believed up until now would be just lies. For two years he convinced himself that Masaki had never cared truly, that he didn’t think about him after their break up, that he was just playing with him, that he wasn’t recognizing his faults. But now, the one who wasn’t realizing his errors was him.

Drying up his tears with his hands, he moved toward the door. He couldn’t burst into tears completely here, at school. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the alley but stopped immediately as he saw Aiba at the other end of it.

Masaki’s eyes widened when he saw him, probably his messed-up face was clearly visible by such a distance. He took a step forward but then retrieved and averted his eyes. After that, Ninomiya came out from a nearby classroom holding his stuff. The shorter man looked at both Aiba and him, before telling something to his friend and walking away. Aiba followed right behind.

Somehow, the sight of Masaki turning away from him, made his heart clench painfully.

Without wasting any time more, he rushed to the school’s exit. He wanted to come back home as soon as possible.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The day after Sho didn’t know how to behave. He didn’t have the strength to even see Aiba, let alone talking to him. Still, how to avoid someone who was working at the same place? True was that the school was big, but evidently, for the past days, he was managing to always bump into the other man. Probably, he should just shut himself in the big lumber-room when he would have breaks.

However, this would bring to the next problem: Ohno. Frankly, he didn’t want to keep away from his friend. Yesterday, Ninomiya even told him that the older man came up to him to defend him. How could he turn his back at someone who went that out of his way for his sake? He had to thank him; even though he had met him only last week, Ohno was the best mate he had ever had.

What blocked him, though, was himself. It was already a miracle that he hadn’t burst out crying when Matsumoto greeted him that morning. He felt that if he interacted with anyone, he would break up. What Ninomiya told him yesterday was still too much for him.

He spent two years on hating Aiba and what he did, calling him names and pushing most part of the blame on him, when, actually, he had the same amount as him. Ninomiya removed the blindness from his eyes and made him realize the ugly truth.

He felt like the biggest piece of trash that could exist. Before, he would ask himself if he would ever forgive Masaki, but now, it was him the one on whom he wasn’t sure. He deserved to not be forgiven, and instead, Aiba still wanted him by his side. Why? Why didn’t he shove him away as Sho did?

Probably... No, surely, Aiba was a way better person than him. Masaki was a melody which didn’t seem nice as you first hear it, but then when you would start to pay attention, all his greatness would come out. Sho, instead, was a melody that seemed perfect at first, but when you start to learn it, you understand that, actually, it wasn’t.

A part of him was still denying what he was told, it was impossible to believe that Aiba had done all that for him. It was impossible to think that Sho had mistreated him too.

But this was the truth, Ninomiya had never told him a lie. Even when Aiba had faked that accident days after he had told him his wish to break up, Ninomiya had kept himself out of it. He, in fact, didn’t even show up at their house, and Sakurai would always question himself on why Aiba’s best friend wasn’t paying him any visit. Probably, Ninomiya had even tried to persuade Masaki to not make up that sham.

Most likely, the whole issue for Sho was to come to terms with it. He had yet to recognize and accept fully his mistakes, and only when he would be ready, he could try to make amends for them. Just as much as Masaki did, Sakurai made the other one suffer too, even though he was always saying that he loved him; he had to truly apologize to him. After that, he had to make up to him for that. How to, he didn’t know yet, but he will.

However, it was still too early for all that. So, just for that day, he withdrew into himself and stayed away from everyone. His job at school was even almost done, so everything would finish soon anyway.

There was a problem though. As he worked, his mind couldn’t stop thinking at the main factor of his hatred for Aiba. The fake accident.

He still couldn’t believe how he could have done such a thing. He had always thought that it was because of not bearing the idea of Sho with someone else, but Nino told him that Masaki was just desperate.

If he reflected on Masaki’s behavior on that day, indeed, it would lead only to that possibility.  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_With today, it had been a full week since the accident, since that day in which his heart stopped working for some seconds. Everyone’s heart would have reacted that way if they had seen their lover in that state._

_Just as he was packing all his stuff to move out of Aiba’s house, the other man came home with bandages all around his forehead and nape and some band-aids on his face and hands; Aiba was even limping badly. The moment he saw him, he froze, but when Aiba looked at him and whispered, “_ Can you help me? _”, he rushed to his side to support him._

_That morning, a car had hit Masaki as he was walking towards the school. He was rushed to the hospital and, luckily, there he was told that he didn’t have anything broken; he only needed to rest. As Sho heard that, he sighed in relief, glad from the bottom of his heart. There was a problem, though. Masaki’s head suffered a hard blow when it hit the ground, so, he was having slight amnesia. This added to his unstable balance, due to his sprained ankle and to his wound in the other knee. He was suffering very much... Apparently._

_Sho couldn’t stop wondering why no one was visiting him; he was stuck in bed and couldn’t go anywhere after all. No one was even calling him. His parents, his friends, Nino, his colleagues, literally no one had reached out to him in these days. Adding to this, when Sho had proposed him to go to the hospital, to check up on his head, Aiba promptly refused; he was even turning Sho down every time he offered him to help him change his bandages or showering, or even dressing him._

_He really didn’t want to think that but... The chances that Aiba was acting were high. After all, the accident happened just two days after Sho had told him to break up, and one of the things Aiba didn’t seem to remember was exactly that particular. It seemed that Aiba had no memory of him stating that he wanted to break up and to move out._

_As he washed the last dish and placed it together with the other ones, he shook his head._

_“He would never do that... He is not that kind of person,” he told himself. Surely, it was just his mind overthinking due to the stress. He had been taking care of Aiba constantly after all._

_He came out of the kitchen and, walking towards the stairs, he glanced at his luggage at the front door. He didn’t unpack it, either move it from where it was. In fact, for the past days, he had been wearing Aiba’s clothes._

_“This is weird too, he didn’t ask anything about this,” he thought out loud._

_Again, though, he shook those thoughts off his mind. This was just his mind wishing to go away. And, of course, he will in the future, but he couldn’t now, not when Aiba was in such condition._

_He sighed and climbed the stairs to reach the bedroom. When he arrived and opened the door, he stopped._

_Masaki was sitting on the bed, next to him a box of gauzes, and was proceeding on removing the ones from his injured knee._

_“Oh, are you changing them?” he asked as he walked in the room._

_Aiba got startled and put the gauzes back on his skin._

_“Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you.”_

_“D-Don’t worry…” Aiba replied looking down._

_“Want me to help?”_

_“Actually, I would prefer if you could go out of the room.”_

_Sakurai stared at him perplexed, not understanding the meaning of such thing. Why would his presence be a hindrance?_

_“Why?” he questioned frowning._

_“I don’t want you to see the wound... Please, just go out,” Aiba said._

_“Got it…” he mumbled but just when he was about to open the door, he noticed Aiba’s hands trembling on his knee._

_His mind started to fill with worry. Did it hurt? Maybe it had gotten worse and was bleeding again?_

_“Is it worsening?” he asked before adding, “Let me see.”_

_“There’s no need, really,” Aiba affirmed._

_“Come on, as if I haven’t ever seen a wound!” Sakurai exclaimed._

_As Sho’s hand approached his knee, Aiba slapped it away, yelling, “I told you to go away! You can’t see it! Just go!”_

_Sho stood there dumbfounded, trying to process the taller man’s action. Was he so insistent to have to be shoved away, when he just wanted to help? Why he couldn’t see his wound?_

_But then, the thought, which he was trying to suppress, got out from its remote place and surfaced._

_Sakurai’s face became stern and, with a severe tone, he ordered, “Let me see it.”_

_“I told you that you can’t!”_

_“I see, then...”_

_Sho kneeled on the bed and tried to take off the bandages from the knee forcefully. Aiba, in the meanwhile, was struggling to keep Sho’s hands away from him. They went on for some time before Aiba, letting out a frustrated shout, pushed Sho away, so hard that he fell on the floor._

_“What do you want?!” Aiba shouted at him._

_Masaki was now standing and looking at him with a nearly-to-cry face. Sho’s eyes fell on the man's knee and, as the bandage fell on the floor, his eyes widened._

_Aiba’s eyes looked down too and his face wore the same expression of Sho. Disbelief._

_“It can’t be…” Sakurai whispered._

_“W-wow, it healed f-fast,” Aiba stuttered._

_He got up from the floor and pushed the taller man on the bed._

_“What are you-”_

_As soon as Sho tried to remove the bandages from his head, Aiba started to struggle again, trying to move him away. His attempts, though, were useless because Sakurai successfully got his head free from the gauzes. Taking Masaki’s head with his hands, he started to check every single inch of it in search of some kind of wound._

_“Stop it! Please, stop!” Aiba kept on yelling._

_“None… None... None... None! There’s not a single wound!” Sho cried out._

_He got up and moved away but he was stopped by his arm._

_“I can explain-”_

_“What?! That you faked everything?! I thought that something was off but I wanted to believe you... I’m such an idiot.”_

_He shoved Aiba’s hand away and ran out of the bedroom. As he got down from the stairs, though, Aiba threw himself at him and pressed him against the nearest wall._

_“Please, let me explain. I didn’t want to lose you, I didn’t know how-”_

_“Just shut up and let me go!” he shouted and pushed him away._

_He went towards the front door but, this time, his feet were stopped. Looking behind, he saw how Masaki got down on his knees and hugged his legs._

_“Please, no, don’t go away. Please, don’t leave me-” he chanted while crying._

_“You lied to me and you want me to stay by your side?! Are you crazy or what?!”_

_He really didn’t want to use force but at that moment, it was necessary. He put his hands on Aiba’s head and tried to keep him away, while his legs fought for freedom._

_“I’m sorry! I’ll do everything for you! Everything, but, please, don’t go! I beg you!”_

_“Masaki, stop this madness!”_

_“I love you! You’re my sun, my life, my world, my everything. Please, don’t leave me!”_

_Even Sho’s ears were astonished at the hearing of those words. In all this time, Masaki had never talked in such way to him, had never sobbed in such way, had never had so much... Desperation in his eyes. But, by now, to Sho, everything he said were just lies. He couldn’t believe him anymore._

_“Stop! This is just your possessiveness!”_

_“No! It’s my heart talking! Please, believe me-”_

_“Believe you?! After you made up a fake accident?!” Sakurai’s tone was getting angrier and angrier._

_“Sho, please-”_

_At last, finally, Sho managed to get free from the other man’s grip and, as fast as possible, he wore his shoes and took his luggage._

_“No, wait!” Aiba screamed and hugged him from behind._

_“Let me go, please!”_

_“Don’t leave me then!” he retorted._

_“Can’t you understand that it will be better for the both of us?!” he tried to persuade him._

_“We can fix everything! We love each other!” Aiba said, clearly not listening to him anymore, and just crying out words to make him stay._

_Closing his eyes, some tears leaving them, he elbowed Masaki on his stomach and pushed him away, making him fall on the floor._

_“I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t let me go,” he said sobbing._

_“Sho…” the man looked at him with swollen eyes._

_He opened the front door, walked out and, as Masaki was getting up and stretching a hand toward him, calling his name, he closed the door._

_Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks, but as he reached the elevator, he could still hear Masaki’s screaming and crying._

_“Goodbye…”_

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  


He quickly dried a tear which fell from his eye. That day was still one of the saddest one, and now, it became even sadder. He had thought that this was the right end for a messed-up relationship like theirs. Plus, it was just another proof of Aiba’s lies.

But now everything changed, and that memory was just the ending where his mistakes have led to.

Even though he knew that he couldn’t run away from the truth, he still wished that he could forget everything soon too.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The next day, Sho found himself smiling relieved seeing that today his job would be finished. He had only to complete a part of the gym’s building wall, tell the principal and make him check all his work on the school, stop by his boss to update him, and after he could return home and turn off his mind.

His brain had been overthinking since he came into this school, it really needed to stop at least a day. Even now, it was keeping on showing him images from the previous days. Especially some of the day before.

For the whole time, he had stayed apart from anyone, avoiding any interaction. While he was working, though, Matsumoto approached him.  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_“Is work going well?”_

_Sakurai turned surprised, not expecting to see the security guard there._

_“Yes, by tomorrow it should be finished.”_

_“I see... So, tomorrow will be the last day you come here?”_

_He nodded as a reply, while trying to understand the reason for these questions. It wasn’t like Matsumoto and him bonded pretty much during these two weeks; the only thing which united them was Ohno._

_At that moment, Sakurai’s lips curved up in a knowing smirk._

_“Do you want to ask me about Ohno? I’m totally okay with it, so, go ahead.”_

_“Actually... No.”_

_The other man’s reply left him astonished. He expected Matsumoto to smile embarrassed or dodge the question, since he was sure that the security guard came up to him for his friend._

_“Then, what is it? Shouldn’t you be working now?”_

_“I’m on a break. And, well, it’s a bit complicated.”_

_Sakurai frowned and waited for the other man to explain himself._

_“Nino talked to me, on behalf of Aiba apparently, telling me if I could ask you about your work; if tomorrow would be indeed your last day or not.”_

_“What? Why?” Sho questioned immediately, his heart beating a bit faster than before._

_“I’m just a witness in all this. I don’t know the reasons, but it seems that Aiba was eager to know, judging by Nino’s tone,” he replied simply._

_Of course, Matsumoto couldn’t know what there had been between them, so it was impossible for him to understand what was on Aiba’s mind._

_“I see... Thank you for telling me. I believe Ninomiya had told you to keep it a secret.”_

_“Actually, he didn’t. On the contrary, he told me that if you asked, I could tell you.”_

_Now, too many possible scenarios were flashing before his eyes and Sakurai’s brain was begging to switch off. What Aiba was up to exactly?_

_“I’m aware that I don’t know the full story, in fact, I don’t mean to meddle or anything, but I think that you should know something,” Matsumoto started, and when he got his attention, he continued, “On the first day you arrived here, I was approached by Aiba and asked a favour. He told me that you give off the vibe of not wanting anyone to come near you, but you’re just misunderstood. So, he would have appreciated very much if I could be friendly and chat with you a bit from time to time.”_

_Sakurai widened his eyes in disbelief. So, that was the reason why Matsumoto had approached him that first day? Once again, the world was showing him how much Aiba cared for him. Of course, it could all be a lie, but Matsumoto didn’t have any reason to play along with Aiba and Ninomiya, in case they were lying to him. Ninomiya and he were not dating yet, after all. Also, Matsumoto’s face and gaze were honest._

_“Thank you for letting me know,” he said and resumed working, again closing into his tiny bubble.  
_

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  


Because of that talk, he had been in turmoil for the whole morning. He was expecting Aiba jumping out of nowhere to talk to him or something else. There must be a reason for reaching out to Matsumoto, for asking if it would be his last day, and knowing Aiba, he must have planned something. Not necessarily a surprise, even because Sakurai would probably shout at him if he did, but still something.

As he was going back to the lumber-room for lunch break, his eyes were going left and right checking if Aiba was nearby. Fortunately, it didn’t seem so. When he opened the door he went straightly to his towel, to dry the sweat from his forehead, and to his water bottle.

“Today is really hot…” he sighed.

Just when he opened his bag to take the convenience store pre-cooked meal, he noticed something wrapped in a red cloth. He picked it up and, from the shape and the box of chopsticks under the cloth’s knot, he understood that it was a lunchbox.

“It must be from him…” he mumbled.

He stayed still for a couple of minutes, pondering on what to do. At last, he decided to accept what the other man prepared for him. After everything he had done to Aiba, it was the least he could do.

He exited the room and sat on the bench. As soon as he unwrapped the cloth, an envelope, which was resting on the box’s lid, appeared. On its cover, there was written, ‘ _To Sho-chan._ ’

Sakurai bit his lower lip as he brushed the white envelope. Gathering up all his courage, he opened it and read the letter which was inside it.

> _Dear Sho-chan,_
> 
> _I know that I don’t have the right to call you like this anymore, but, please, bear with me for now._
> 
> _Since we’re not able to talk without getting in an argument, I thought that it was better to just write you a letter. At least, in this way, what I want to tell you will be fully conveyed._
> 
> _Even though I had already said it to you tons and tons of times, I’ll say it again. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I’m sorry for everything that happened. I had sworn to make our relationship last when we two got together; I had promised to myself to pick up all the pieces which were falling apart; but our relationship didn’t last, and all the pieces are still scattered on the floor._  
>  _I let our world collapse on itself, as a pianist gives up on his melody because it’s not coming out the way he wanted to. Believe me, though, if I say that I tried my best. I know that it seems impossible, but it’s the truth. Although I have just messed up things even more, instead of fixing them._
> 
> _When you told me that you wanted to break up, I felt my heart being torn apart. The reason why I made up the accident-farce wasn’t possessiveness, as you used to say. It was my love for you going too far. Way too far. I don’t think that there will be even a day in which you will forgive me because of that, most likely; I don’t even deserve your forgiveness._
> 
> _However, I do think that I deserve at least a last talk with you. If I meant a tenth of what you were for me, then you should give me this opportunity. You can blame me for our crisis, you can blame me for the end of our relationship, heck, you can put all the blame on me if for you would be easier this way. But I do deserve to see you and talk to you one last time, before you will erase me definitely from your life._
> 
> _I promise that I will do my utmost to not lose control. You too, please, don’t lose your temper and start to cut me off all the time. I want to have a proper conversation at least once._
> 
> _Next week, our school will hold a cultural festival just before the start of summer vacation. Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to show you around (even though I would gladly do that). The music classroom won’t be used, since the brass band will perform in the gym. No one should disturb us. Let’s meet at 5pm there. I’ll come as soon as I can. If I don’t find you there, I will wait for you until the school closes. So, if you don’t show up, but then will have second thoughts and will worry if I’ll still be there, no need. I’ll wait for you._
> 
> _In case you won’t really show up, I’ll say it here before I’ll regret to haven’t said it:_
> 
> _I love you._
> 
> _Yours always, Masaki._

Sho moved the letter from his face, as to not stain it with his tears. Masaki’s letter had stabbed his heart like a knife.

He apologized, admitted his faults but also spoke frankly to Sakurai, and he was right. Masaki did deserve a chance to talk with him, heart to heart. He had always shoved him away and didn’t even try to hear him out for real; that wasn’t right to someone who meant so much to him. Because Masaki had meant the world to him. Sho wouldn’t have endured all the pain if he hadn’t loved him.

He couldn’t let everything end this way. If they were really going to part, then there couldn’t be unspoken feelings and thoughts.

“I’ll be there Masaki, I promise,” he whispered, bringing the letter to his heart.

That was the last time he would walk out of the school’s gate. Well, second to last since there was still the cultural festival.

He had already said goodbye to Ohno, making a promise to stay friends and still contact each other. Also, the older man had to update him on how things would end up with Matsumoto. By now, he was following the sequence of events as if it were a daily drama and he would give advice every time to the main character.

He looked one last time at the school. He felt that he was going to miss it; somehow, he got attached to it.

When he was going to turn, he noticed Aiba standing by the building’s entrance, staring at him. He wasn’t calling for him, neither mouthing something. He just smiled at Sho. That smile, though, was everything but happy. Masaki’s face, in fact, seemed to be filled with sadness.

Sakurai didn’t smile back, instead, he waved at him. The other man was surprised by that action but eventually waved back at him.

“See you…” he mouthed, hoping that Aiba could have understood it.

After some seconds, he turned around and walked out of the school, while a tear was flowing down his face.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

_A week later…  
  
_

The always meticulous Sakurai Sho, who had always his plan arranged to the tiniest detail, who was always following perfectly his timetable, on that day was managing to mess everything up.

In the morning, he didn’t hear his alarm ringing, resulting on him waking up at midday and losing the train he had to take. The night before he went to bed early, but he was too nervous so it wasn’t easy to fall asleep.

He tried to get ready and go out as soon as he could, considering it took nearly two hours to reach Ashikaga from Tokyo.

Since he had already lost his train, and he doubted that there would be another one anytime soon, he decided to go by car. Of course, he prayed every Goddess and God so that there won’t be any traffic on the way. This seemed to work since there weren’t as many cars as he had thought, but the clock hands were still running and when he arrived in Ashikaga, it was already almost 5pm.

As soon as he found a place, Sakurai, not caring if it was far or not from the school, parked his car. After that, he started to run as he had never done before. As if his life were going to depend on that meeting, and well, actually, it kind of did.

When he approached the school’s gate, he saw how the courtyard was filled with all kind of stands; there were also many people there enjoying their time. Gathering all the athleticism he had inside, which wasn’t much frankly, he tried to avoid crushing on anyone. Sakurai found himself doing the slalom between the crowd; students, parents, children, anyone would jump on their feet as soon as Sho would pass them with high speed.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry, sorry, please move aside,” he was repeating left and right.

When he finally got into the building, he took a deep breath and began to climb up the stairs. He glanced at his watch: half past 5pm. His legs were abandoning him, his lungs were out of breath, but his heart was pushing him forward, because of that ‘ _I’ll wait for you._ ’

He finally reached the last floor. Luckily, there weren’t as many people as outside, but still, Sakurai had to dodge many students.

After he turned the last corner, he went straight to the music classroom. 

“I’m here!” he shouted as soon as he opened the door.

Aiba, who was already inside the room, got so startled that he let out a tiny gasp and dropped his phone on the floor.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear my alarm this morning, so I woke up very late and missed the train... I had to come here by car and... You know, Ashikaga it’s more than two hours away from Tokyo so...” Sakurai explained panting.

He closed the door and leaned on the wall beside it, trying to regain his breath.

“It’s alright, don’t worry. The fact that you came it’s already enough,” Aiba replied while picking up his phone from the floor, checking if it was working fine, before putting it into his trousers’ pocket.

“I... Didn’t want you to... Think that I wasn't going to come,” he stuttered.

Aiba smiled at those words, silently thanking him.

Sakurai would really like to tell something, but at the moment it was really difficult due to his panting. He apologized to the other man, who reassured him that it was fine. Aiba knew after all that any type of physical activity was hell for him.

When he had calmed down, he could focus again and started to feel the weird atmosphere in the room. As if that were the iconic moment of a rom-com.

Now, all the nervousness he hadn’t felt throughout the whole travel, since his attention was on arriving on time, filled every cell of his body. He started to play with the hem of his shirt. All the things he had to say before were now stuck in his throat, not wanting to come out.

“Look at those three,” Aiba was the first one to talk.

He raised his head and saw how the taller man was pointing outside. He got closer to the window and followed the spot Aiba’s finger was pointing at.

Matsumoto, who wasn’t on duty on that day, was walking through the students’ stands, while Ohno and Ninomiya were respectively at his left and right side. Probably, they were using the excuse of the crowd for staying even more glued to Matsumoto.

Sho laughed at that sight and Masaki followed him.

“I don’t know if to define Matsumoto poor or lucky,” he remarked amused.

“Well, at least he seems to be having fun,” Aiba commented. Indeed, the security guide’s face was cheerful, although Ohno and Ninomiya would throw some death-glares at each other behind the other man’s back.

“After all, it’s nice to be courted.”

“For the one doing that, though, it can be frustrating. You’re putting yourself on the line and you don’t know how the other one can react,” Aiba explained, his eyes having a sad glow in them.

Sho looked down, feeling guilty somehow. In their relationship, the one who had always taken the first steps was Masaki. He was the first one to flirt, the first one to show his feelings; even now, he was the first one to talk. For someone like Masaki, doing this might be very nerve-wracking.

At that moment, one last week’s flashback crossed his mind.

“Ah, right!” he exclaimed out loud. Immediately, his cheeks blushed.

“What?” Aiba asked him curiously.

“I-It’s about the lunchbox you gave me... Thank you,” he said, stuttering a bit.

“Did you enjoy it?” the taller man’s tone seemed worried. Well, the other time he gave it to Ohno, so, probably Aiba was expecting Sho to throw it away.

“Yes, it was delicious,” he replied before adding, “As always.”

Aiba's eyes brightened up when hearing that.

“I’m glad.”

After that, silence fell over them again. Seriously, he had been throwing all kind of words at him for the past weeks, why now he couldn’t say anything? Was it agitation? Was it the fact that Aiba Masaki was right in front of his eyes and for once they weren’t arguing? Maybe, he had been used to act in a certain way around the other, that now he didn’t know anymore how to talk normally.

Sakurai’s gaze started to wander in the room, trying to gain time to gather up his courage to talk. Then, his eyes fell on the piano. Unconsciously, he began to walk up to it and before he could realize, he was brushing its keys.

“Go ahead.”

He turned toward Masaki, who was smiling at him and nodding, giving him permission to play the musical instrument.

Biting his lip, Sho sat on the piano stool. He took a deep breath and, bringing his fingers on the keys, he started to play.

As the melody was taking shape, all the anxious feelings he had before went away, making room for happiness. It was as if he was finally complete, as if those notes were filling the void inside him.

He was playing their melody. He didn’t decide it beforehand, it came naturally when he was going to press the first note. With the corner of his eye, he saw Aiba leaning on the piano and looking at him with soft eyes, while smiling a bit.

His lips curved up in a grin which was becoming wider and wider but, suddenly, it transformed in a grimace of pain. But he didn’t want to stop, he wanted to continue playing. He didn’t want anything to separate him from the piano and lose all the joy and freedom he had finally felt again.

As all the times before, he tightened his eyes and clenched on his teeth. He tried to hold on at his best, tried to ignore the pain and focus on the melody. However, at last, his left hand blocked and fell on the keys, creating an abrupt sound which echoed in all the room.

All the harmonious feelings inside him started to leave him, disappearing as the previous times. If before he felt free, now he was feeling tied up again to his left hand, which was hurting very much; that pain adding to the one he had inside him.

He stayed still, as if his wrists were actually chained up. His body, though, was trembling.

Feeling a presence next to him, he opened his eyes and turned. Aiba had just sat on the piano stool. 

“Move your hand,” Aiba said, pointing to Sakurai’s left hand.

He looked at him in question but did as he was told. Also, he moved a bit so that the other man could have more room on the seat.

“I’m still your left hand after all, right?” Masaki asked.

Sho’s heart skipped a beat at those words.

“Come on, play. I know the notes,” the man said, as he placed his left hand on the keys, and smiled playfully at his last words.

And as many previous times, Masaki and Sho played the piano together. Like before, though, they weren’t perfect. In many points the notes would clash against each other, bringing a bit down the melody, but after that, somehow, they would manage to blend their rhythm in and the melody would lighten up again.

To Sho, it was incredible what was happening. All the feelings he had lost were coming to him again, and all thanks to Masaki. The fact that it was his ex-boyfriend the one to bring back all he was feeling inside made his heart fill with warmth.

“It always comes out with some flaws,” he commented as they pressed the last keys.

“Yeah, but even if it is the most imperfect melody, I still love it,” Aiba affirmed, before turning to him, “It’s like us after all.”

They smiled at each other. Indeed, that melody was just like them. It would be a bit messed up but then it would become smooth and nice. It had all kind of defects, but it was still beautiful.

That was their melody and they could only play it together. It couldn’t be played only by one of them. That would make it a whole different thing, it wouldn’t be the same.

Somehow, it was as if Masaki was the bridge who connected him to the piano, to the music.

He smiled to himself at that thought.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

“I should thank you, for letting me play one more time with you.”

“No, it’s me. And not only for this. You did so much to me, and I didn’t realize anything of that… I was blind and couldn’t see all the mistakes I was making. I treated you in an awful way... I’m sorry,” all the words which before were stuck inside him, now, were coming out bit by bit.

“I made many mistakes too. I could have tried to fix things, but instead, I let them break, thinking that they were going to solve by themselves. The only thing that I should have done was reach out to you and I didn’t…”

“Neither did I... If I had done that, we could have saved our relationship. After all, we loved each other and we wanted to be together. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have endured so much when things were going so bad.”

“Maybe it wasn’t our time, maybe we weren’t ready. Even though it sounds weird since we were already in our 30s.”

“Yeah…”

He had missed talking to Aiba like this. They should have done this so much time before and probably everything would have gone well. For the past week, his mind had been filled with ‘ _What if…_ ’, and now they were only increasing. All the mistakes of the past had made him drown in regret.

“Sho-chan…”

Again, his heart skipped a beat. Hearing Masaki calling him like that, after all this time, wasn’t something he was expecting. He smiled, a bit moved by that action, and turned to him.

“Do you think that you can forgive me?”

“Only if you do that too,” he replied.

“I have nothing to forgive. And even if I had, I would have already forgiven you.”

“I do too, then.”

They chuckled a bit, before Aiba spoke again.

“Do you still love me?”

Sho was taken aback by that question. It was too early for him to understand that. After all, just a week ago he hated him. Still, love and hate were two sides of the same coin.

“I don’t know…” he answered at last, opting for sincerity.

Aiba nodded and looked down before saying, “As for me, well, you already know from the letter, but I’ll tell you anyway.”

Masaki looked at him straight in his eyes and then whispered, as if the only one who could hear those words was him, “I love you.”

Sho’s heartbeat started to race. Apparently, he still lived for Masaki’s ‘ _I love you._ ’ And he had said that as he used to do, with the same tender eyes, with the same sweet voice, with the same gentle smile.

Only at that moment, he noticed how their faces were close. He looked down, slightly embarrassed; he saw how Masaki’s hand seemed eager to touch him, but it was still, in midair.

Aiba followed his gaze and as soon as he understood that he was watching his hand, he retrieved it.

“Sorry. I know that you told me to not touch you, so don’t worry I won’t-”

“You can touch me, if you want,” he cut him off.

Aiba was clearly surprised by those words. He gulped and nodded.

Slowly, he brought his hand on Sakurai’s cheek. He leaned on the touch, which he realized only at that moment he had missed as the oxygen. Aiba’s left hand then moved to his neck and slid down, touching Sho’s shoulder, forearm, wrists, hand; it then moved to his hips and brought Sakurai closer.

“Can I... Kiss you?” Masaki asked. Sho could see the worry of being rejected in his eyes.

He cupped Masaki’s face with his hands and, grinning, replied, “Yes.”

Smiling, Masaki gently placed his lips on his. In one second, Sho lips parted and let Masaki’s tongue explore his mouth. They knew each other’s tastes, though, so it didn’t feel as something new. For this reason, it felt even more intense, because it was as if their tongues remembered and went crazy when they recognized the other one, after being separated for so long.

In Sho’s mind, all kind of memories flowed in his body. Mostly, though, all the best and happy moments he had spent with Masaki. It was true that the other man had made him suffer, but Aiba Masaki had meant and was still meaning so much to him.

He felt something in him which was saying _I want you._

He immediately circled his hands around the other man’s body and brought him closer. And so did Aiba, so that now there was almost no space between them.

Sho could have stayed like that forever. As Masaki was kissing him with all his being, as his hands were on him; he felt the happiest person in the world. And probably even Masaki was feeling that way, if he had to consider the fact that he didn't seem to have the intention to break that kiss.

They had to, eventually, since they were out of breath by now. Their mouths were still only inches apart from each other, though, and their hands were still on their bodies.

Sho caressed Masaki’s hair and, after, he placed his head on his shoulder. Masaki hugged him and rested his head on Sho’s.

“Can we stay like this for some time?” he asked.

“As much as you want. Even for eternity,” Masaki replied and left a kiss on his hair.  
  
  
  


••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

From the window of the classroom, he stared at Sho, who was now walking toward the exit of the school.

They didn’t promise anything to each other. They didn’t agree on seeing or calling each other or anything like that. But he could see that in Sho’s eyes there wasn’t any more hatred. Actually, the contrary.

They just needed time. Masaki believed in them. He knew that one day they will be by each other’s side once again. One day, he will finally wake up and see again Sho laying next to him, his body all cuddled up against him.

He didn’t know when it will be, but he was ready to wait for him as much as it was needed, if this meant having Sho back.

At that moment, Aiba remembered something and he took out his phone. He dialled the other man’s number and waited.

Even though he was distant, Masaki saw how Sakurai looked at his phone and then turned toward his direction. His call was picked up immediately after.

“You unblocked my number…” he remarked.

“If I don't, it will be hard to reach out to each other,” Sakurai explained.

He bit his lower lip, trying to hold in a scream of happiness.

“Take care on your way home,” he managed to say, trying to stay calm.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I arrive.”

Without saying anything else, he closed the call and watched as the other man exited the school. When Sho was out of sight, he finally let out a loud sigh of relief and joy.

His heart was overflowing with love at that moment. He couldn’t even describe how he was feeling right now.

“I have just seen Sakurai go away, how did it go?”

Aiba turned around and saw Nino standing by the door.

“Weren’t you with Ohno and Matsumoto?”

“Forget them, you’re more important. What happened?”

He wanted to tell him every single detail but, at the moment, he was so excited that the only thing he could do was hugging his friend as tight as he could, smiling from ear to ear.

“I guess that it went well then,” Nino chuckled, before saying, “Well, at least the true Aiba Masaki is back again now.”

Yes, finally, he was back.


End file.
